Two guys are on their way into a convenience store, looking super-shady. M.G. and Ethan are hanging out outside the store, and Ethan asks the shady guys to buy them beer. One of them tells him to get out of there, flashing a gun. The shady guys go inside, put on masks, and pull out guns. Outside, Ethan bounces a ball on the ground. In the time it takes him to drop and catch the ball, M.G. has zoomed inside and snagged the guys’ guns.
He drops one in a slushie machine and tells the guys they need to have a chat about “civic responsibilities.” Cut to the guys getting in a police car to turn themselves in for armed robbery. After they serve their time, they’ll devote their lives to community service. As the cop takes them off to jail, Ethan and M.G. toast each other with slushies.
Hope starts the next morning in a great mood, to Cleo’s surprise. Hope has a lot to be happy about: Landon’s back, she and Lizzie have made up, and no new monsters have shown up, which means the protection spell she put up around the school is working. It’s going to be a great day. Landon comes in with breakfast and, like Cleo, thinks something must be wrong because Hope’s so cheerful. He asks if Cleo’s seen any slugs around. Hope vows not to let anything put her in a bad mood today. She’s going to solve their last problem: why the monsters are back. She assigns Landon to work with Alaric while she and Cleo get in some roommate bonding time.
Lizzie surprises Josie at Mystic Falls High to blast her for telling Alaric about her crush before her own twin. Josie says it’s already over – she made things weird and “can’t un-weird them.” Lizzie tells her she doesn’t have any game. Good thing she has a sister who knows everything about every romantic comedy ever and can help her fix things. Also, she has magic. Josie doesn’t want to use any supernatural solutions here, though, since Finch is human.
Dorian comes across the twins and figures Lizzie’s there because of a monster problem. Lizzie says it’s worse – Josie has a crush. Dorian quickly dismisses himself, since he doesn’t want to get involved in that. Josie in turn dismisses Lizzie, not wanting her involved, either. On her way out, Lizzie spots M.G. and turns herself invisible before he can see her.
M.G. goes to class, where Ethan has bought him coffee, knowing he had a late night. He’s eager to be a vigilante again, but M.G. wants to take a break. Ethan gives him a mask and goggles so he can keep his identity secret. He suggests a superhero name: Blur-some. M.G. hates it. Also, he thinks what happened last night was just luck. Mystic Falls isn’t exactly a hotbed of robbery. (Murder, yes. Robbery, no.) Ethan has Mac’s old police scanner and wants to use it to find their next case. He’ll be M.G.’s human sidekick. M.G. agrees to another team-up.
Josie’s trying to avoid Finch in the hallway when her books fall out of her hands and she has to pause to pick them up. Finch comes over to help her. Josie promises that the drama from her old school is done. She’s focusing on the present and is going to make herself open and available to whatever comes. Finch hopes that includes having lunch today.
After Finch leaves, Lizzie – still invisible – says she gets Josie’s attraction to her. She made Josie drop her books so she and Finch could connect. Lizzie’s positive that with her help, Josie will get the girl.
Landon and Alaric research the wish artifact, discovering that Queen Elizabeth I had it at one point. Alaric still thinks it’s connected to the monsters’ return. He wants to know where it originated. Landon thinks a vampire would be more useful for this research, but sorry, Landon – M.G.’s at a different school and Kaleb isn’t in this episode, so we’re fresh out of vamps right now. Alaric says he likes Landon’s company, but Landon knows that can’t be the whole story, since Alaric brought a crossbow with him. Alaric admits that Hope asked him to keep an eye on Landon while she tests out a theory.
She presents that theory to Cleo while they’re having a picnic in the woods: She thinks Malivore is after Cleo, not Landon. She doesn’t know why, so they’ll need to test the theory by using Cleo as bait. Only if she’s willing, though. They’d have to lower the protection spell Hope put around the school and act like everything’s normal. You know, like they’re already doing. Hope promises to call off the plan if Cleo wants, but she’d really like to find a talking monster so they can get some answers. Cleo agrees to be bait. Hope tells her the monsters aren’t always bad. One was even whimsical. (I assume she means the unicorn.)
The sky darkens and wind starts blowing through the woods. Looks like there’s already a monster approaching. This one screams, so it’s probably not another whimsical one. It’s a woman with eyes that look like they’re bleeding and a very loud voice. Cleo uses magic to sew her lips shut. Hope thinks this is the proof they need that her theory was correct. Now they need to find out why the monsters are after Cleo.
They take the woman to the gym and trap her with a barrier spell. Landon comments that he owes Gaby some money – “I had a wendigo in the monster pool.” Alaric calls it a rookie mistake: “It’s never a wendigo.” Cleo advises everyone to cover their ears before she releases the woman’s lips and lets her scream again. Alaric quickly IDs her as a banshee. Landon wonders how they’re supposed to get answers out of her without her screaming them deaf.
Lizzie takes over an empty classroom at Mystic Falls High to give Josie a crash course in romance. She’s already had her meet-cute moment with the books, so her next step is to sneak out of a party with Finch. Josie says it’s really specific. They can skip step 3, which is a manufactured or real crisis like a missing pet, and go to step 4, “the spontaneous life highlight.” They need to go on a road trip or have some other bonding experience. In the back of the classroom, Dorian – who decided to get involved after all – suggests a moonlight dance in the parking lot during an actual school dance. Ooh, that’s a good one! Lizzie thinks that after step 4, Finch will have no choice but to fall for Josie.
Josie doesn’t want to manipulate Finch, of course; she wants Finch’s feelings to be real. Lizzie says that won’t happen because Josie will never take the chance of making the first move. Defiant, Josie says she’ll ask Finch out tonight. She storms out and Dorian guesses that Lizzie used an alternate step 2, provoking Josie to get her out of her comfort zone. He likes it.
Jed can’t work in the gym while it’s the holding cell for the latest monster, so he’s lifting weights in the Great Room. Cleo tells him the monster is a banshee, which means Jed also lost money in the pool because he also had a wendigo next. “Apparently it’s never a wendigo,” Cleo reports. Jed laments that he’s been excluded from the Super Squad for stealing M.G.’s girlfriend. But isn’t everyone mad at M.G. now? So why don’t they take Jed back? Anyway, he wants to find a way to make it up to them. Cleo’s sure he will.
She’s supposed to be researching how to get the banshee to speak without opening her mouth, but she’s distracted by the knowledge that the monsters are back because of her. Jed suddenly comes up with an idea that will allow them both to solve their problems at the same time.
M.G. and Ethan listen to the police scanner in Ethan’s truck, but nothing’s happening. Ethan suggests that they get coffee and snacks like they’re on a real stakeout. M.G. likes his enthusiasm but promises they can just hang out as friends. Ethan can’t get past what he’s learned about the supernatural – how do you go back to a normal life knowing that they exist? They need to be ready in case a supervillain version of M.G. shows up. Ethan decides to keep listening to the scanner while M.G. goes to class. After the rough year he’s had, he enjoys having something to care about. M.G. feels bad and stays with him.
Alaric tells Hope that banshees are harbingers – if there’s one there, death won’t be far behind. Hope doesn’t think it’s a big deal; that could mean the death of anyone in town. Alaric’s like, “You know it’s going to be someone here. Come on.” They need to be prepared to hear something they don’t want to. Jed and Cleo find them and announce that they know how to get the banshee to talk.
There’s a spell that will allow them to use Jed as a conduit so the banshee can speak through him. Landon thinks the idea is brilliant, and he doesn’t hide how surprised he is that Jed came up with it. Cleo’s worried about what the banshee will say. Landon adds something else to the spell to make it even more brilliant: blue calamus, the truth weed, which will make the banshee unable to lie. The only problem is that there’s a full moon that night, so they need to pull this off before it’s out. They don’t want the banshee in Jed’s head when he turns.
They need something of the banshee’s for the spell, so Hope takes her necklace. The spell starts and the banshee speaks through Jed. She explains that Malivore promised to release her if she brought him Cleo. She won’t say why, though. She also doesn’t think that’s what Hope really wants to know. Hope asks who’s going to die, and the banshee replies that there are many possibilities. One is clearer than the others, though: If Cleo stays there, Landon will die.
Hope goes to the library to look for a loophole. She assures Cleo, who brings her tea, that no one’s going to die. Cleo asks why she spelled Landon into his room, if she’s so confident. Speaking of confidence, Josie approaches Finch at lunch and says she really likes her but is cautious because she doesn’t want to mess things up. She thinks they should give a relationship a try. Finch is happy about everything Josie says until Josie asks to hang out that night. Finch says she has plans, then runs off.
Cleo tells Hope that she spent a long time looking for a home like the one she’s found at the Salvatore School, but if being there puts someone in danger, she’ll have to leave. Hope says the monsters are always after someone and they’ve never made anyone leave because of that. Cleo doesn’t think Hope really wants her to stay. Would she be happier if Cleo left? Hope blurts out that she would, then says she didn’t mean that. But she did, because Cleo put blue calamus in the tea.
Josie returns to Lizzie’s classroom to mope over being rejected. They think Finch turned Josie down because she’s already dating someone. Lizzie says that just puts them in a different movie – it’s now a story about stealing Finch from “lesser competition.” Josie would like to know who Finch is seeing and if it’s serious. If that requires magic, so be it. Lizzie sends Josie home while she does some invisible spying.
Alaric announces to the banshee that he has a way to help her. Banshees are drawn to “inconsolable grief,” possessing women who died from broken hearts. The person this banshee was is still inside her. If she tells them why Malivore wants Cleo, they can help free her. The banshee says it’s no use trying to talk to the woman she’s possessing. She won’t believe Alaric. Her child was taken from her, and no one could tell her what happened or heal her heart. She was abandoned because no one could stand to listen to her cries.
She knows Alaric won’t be any different. “Humans run from grief like a sickness, afraid that it will spread, that they will catch it,” she says. Alaric promises that he’s not like everyone else. The banshee notes that the full moon is rising, so they’re out of time. Jed’s already starting to transform, and the banshee is enjoying her sudden strength.
Hope comes back to the gym to report that Cleo left. Yeah, yeah, not the time – they need to unlink Jed from the banshee right now. Hope starts to take the necklace from Jed to end the link, but she needs one more answer: Now that Cleo’s left the school, is Landon safe? The banshee says no. She wasn’t sent there to get Cleo. She was sent to drive Cleo away from Hope’s protection. “One road darkens, the other grows clearer,” the banshee says. “Cleo dies, too.”
Hope undoes the link, then heads out to find Cleo, who cloaked herself from being detected by a locator spell. Landon goes out with Hope, who apologizes for the fact that they can never just be happy, apparently. He gives her some clothes so she can wolf out and find Cleo through her senses instead of magic.
Alaric takes Jed to the basement so he’ll be locked up during the full moon. Jed says he saw a memory in the banshee’s head and might know her name. Out in the woods, Ethan and M.G. have fallen asleep waiting for something to come across the scanner. Something finally does, but it’s just a report of an alarm being tripped at Mystic Falls High. M.G. doesn’t think they should bother checking it out, but Ethan knows from Mac that there could be something supernatural happening. M.G. steals his car keys and says he’ll go alone. It might not be safe for Ethan, the human sidekick.
The alarm was, indeed, tripped by a supernatural being – someone’s stumbling through the halls in the process of a werewolf transformation. And it’s someone familiar: Finch. She chains herself up in the basement just as Lizzie comes down. She offers to help Finch as she’s turning, but Finch tells her to run. It’s a good thing Lizzie does because Finch didn’t chain herself up very well, and she doesn’t stay in the basement.
Lizzie hides in a classroom, hoping Dorian hid a magical object there that she can siphon. All she finds is a Magic 8 Ball, which she doesn’t find amusing. Finch claws at the door but winds up leaving. M.G. comes in instead, explaining that he was able to lure Finch away, since werewolves always go after vampires first. Lizzie urges him to leave, but he doesn’t want to go without her. He says he’ll lead Finch through the front door while Lizzie goes out the back.
M.G. tracks down Finch and encourages her to fight her instincts to hurt him. She doesn’t listen. She leaps on him and is about to bite when Ethan shows up and knocks her out with a shovel. “Not bad for a sidekick, huh?” Ethan says.
In the woods, Cleo runs into the hunter, who knocks her out with some sort of magical powder. Alaric returns to the banshee, having used her name, Kaelan, to connect her to a clan from 1014. Unfortunately, the candle they were using to keep her trapped has gone out, and she screams to try to incapacitate Alaric. He stops her by yelling that he knows what happened to her son. The English took him to make him fight in their wars. According to a survey taken decades later, he survived. He had children and grandchildren, one of whom was named after Kaelan.
Alaric has deep sympathy for Kaelan, knowing how devastated he would be if someone took away one of his children. No one should have to mourn alone like Kaelan did. She moans in grief, then turns into the human she was before she was possessed. She thanks Alaric, who tells her she can sleep now. But first she wants to tell him why Malivore is after Cleo.
Hope finds Cleo unconscious with the hunter and turns human again so she can fight him with his own staff. The hunter runs off instead of facing her. Cleo wakes up and thanks Hope for the rescue. Hope repeats what she said before about no one dying today.
Back in their room, Hope tells Cleo that she’s a great person and the school is her home, no matter what danger her presence there brings. It’s not like they’re not used to danger anyway. Cleo asks about the hunter, who Hope guesses works for Malivore. Something about him felt familiar, like she’s fought it before.
Ethan and M.G. hang out in an old barn, which they’ve turned into their superhero lair. M.G. has decided that Ethan isn’t sidekick material – they should be partners instead. They’ll come up with names later. Right now, they need to decide what to do with an unconscious Finch, who they’ve brought with them.
Lizzie visits Josie at Gilbert Gables, but instead of telling her that Finch is a werewolf, she says that Finch is, as they suspected, dating someone. Lizzie wishes she’d let Josie find out on her own. She worried that Josie didn’t need her anymore. Josie feels the same. They cuddle in Josie’s bed, just like old times.
Hope and Landon go to the dock as she worries that her happiness won’t come back if it goes away. He promises it will. They’ll have to “find the moments of happiness between the monsters.” How very Stefan of him. He’s set up a little love nest for them on the dock so they can enjoy their time there. “Screw fate,” they agree.
Cleo’s sitting with Jed when he returns to his human form, and she tells him that his plan worked. Because of him, the banshee found peace. Jed has earned his spot back on the Super Squad. He’s happy that Cleo believed in him. She asks if he found out why Malivore wants her while he was in the banshee’s mind. He didn’t get it at first, but now he does, since he’s never had a monster-hunting idea until he was standing next to Cleo.
Alaric and Dorian bury Kaelan’s body and share a drink from Alaric’s flask. He gives Dorian the wish artifact and tells him they now know why Malivore is after Cleo: She’s a Muse. As a witch who’s the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter, she has the power of inspiration. Malivore must have a problem he needs solving, most likely a way out of the prison world.
In the middle of the night, the hunter sneaks through Landon’s window. He approaches Hope and Landon, who are asleep, and uses his knife to cut off some of their hair. Hope wakes up suddenly but he’s already gone.
Etc.: I love that there’s a pool about what monster will show up next.
I also love that Dorian, who no doubt has a million things to do as principal and whose only excuse for being in the classroom is that his office is being painted, dropped everything to help his friend’s daughter romance her crush.
We don’t get to step 5 of Lizzie’s plan, but it starts with, “Stop that plane.”
One of Finch’s friends reacts to Josie’s big declaration the way all friends should – with amusement and a facial expression that says, “I love you but I’m totally going to tease you about this for the next ten years.”
As I’ve said before, the twins need to carry magic pendants or something around with them so they always have something to siphon from.
Finch being a werewolf explains her outbursts and aggression that we’ve heard about a few times. Nice detail.
An Eternity of Misery 