Aurora has set up shop at a diner somewhere so she can jot down everything her stolen inspiration has put in her head. It’s slowly disappearing, so she wants to work fast. Lizzie tracks her down and tells her that some things have changed since they last saw each other. For starters, Lizzie’s a Heretic now. She’s also just there to distract Aurora so Hope can snap her neck.
Alaric and Ted are doing some drunken dancing at the bar in the clock tower, happy that they’re so close to getting out of limbo. Landon’s equally drunk but not happy. He knows from D&D that jinnis suck. Alaric doesn’t care, since he’s how they’re going to get back home. The jinni, Zied, appears just then with the guys’ “order.” He gives them a contract offering them one wish each. He thinks that’s plenty, as long as the guys use them right. Landon is still skeptical, and he assumes the wishes come at a price. Ted notes that they’re out of coins, but Zied says that’s not a problem. Alaric reads the contract and figures out why: The price is their souls.
Hope and Lizzie take Aurora to a motel, where Hope chains Aurora up. Before they kill her, Hope wants to know her motives for going after gods. Aurora wonders why Hope, who likes to be alone, is working with Lizzie. Lizzie plays the dutiful sidekick, demanding to know what Aurora has been looking into. Aurora pretends she can’t remember, so Lizzie suggests doing a head dive. She’ll probably come across some crazy stuff, considering it’s Aurora, but it should be informative. Hope shoots down her idea.
Ted isn’t surprised that the Sphinx screwed them over, since cats can’t be trusted. Landon wonders why Zied wants their souls. Ted isn’t in favor of signing his away, since they’ve already lost so much free will. Landon disagrees – they just need to be very, very careful with the way they word their wishes. Ted is still hesitant to risk his soul, so Landon suggests that they save him for last. If he and Alaric fail with their wishes, Ted can use the third to go to peace. Ted and Alaric are both on board for that, and Zied accepts the deal.
Alaric asks why the bar is so packed if people can just wish to go to peace. Zied says they always screw up. No one wants to move on; they want to go back to their lives. The coins don’t keep them trapped in limbo – it’s their fear of the unknown. When people have the choice to go to peace, they end up choosing something like fortune or fame instead (or they wish to be Lady Gaga, “whoever she is”). They wish for things they know. But Zied is sure that the guys won’t make that mistake. Landon tells him that they’re not going to peace. Well, maybe Ted will. They’ll see. They’ve signed the contract, and Zied is ready to start doling out wishes.
Hope puts Aurora on trial for stealing her body, trashing the Mikaelson name, and, “well, for being a relentless b&^$%.” Aurora doesn’t deny any of that. She refuses to tell Hope anything, no matter what kind of punishment she serves up. Hope tells Lizzie to take off Aurora’s daylight ring. Lizzie does it reluctantly, and Aurora notes that whenever Tristan betrayed her, he would look at her the way Lizzie is. Hope opens the blinds so Aurora gets burned by the sun. Lizzie’s disturbed.
Landon finds himself in the cemetery. In fact, he’s at his own grave. His headstone is engraved with a Lord of the Rings quote, “Not all those who wander are lost.” It makes him think of Wade. Ted is there, too, at his own grave nearby. His headstone simply says, “The Ted. A friend in the end.” Awww. Landon’s wish for the three guys to be resurrected seems to have been successful, but only for two of them. Alaric is MIA.
Lizzie is eager for Hope to kill Aurora already, since hours of torture haven’t gotten her to spill anything. Hope has another idea in the works. She stole a grimoire from Vardemus’ office so she can use black magic to make a new version of the Tunde blade. Lizzie doesn’t want to keep up the torture; she’d like to try a head dive now. Hope tells her to go ahead and do it. Lizzie says it’s “the calculus of vampire powers,” and as a baby vamp, she has no clue how to do one. Hope gives her the choice to do a head dive or help with Hope’s plan.
Landon and Ted go to the school, hoping Alaric is there. Zied appears to let them know that Alaric is still in limbo. He granted Landon’s wish to the letter, though: “Bring the three of us back to life.” Zied doesn’t know why Alaric got left behind. Landon accuses him of messing with them so they’ll have to jump to their next wish.
Ted knocks on the front door to the school, and Zied warns that if Landon’s friends see him and he has to use another wish, this encounter could change their perception of reality. They could go crazy. Pedro opens the door, but there’s no one outside. He takes his new pet Pukwudgie back inside to get some waffles. Landon and Ted are hiding in the shrubbery, since Landon doesn’t want to risk making anyone crazy.
He quickly comes up with a plan B, which is to put a sheet over his head and pretend to be a ghost so he can talk to Wade. (Clearly the B of “plan B” doesn’t stand for “better than plan A.”) Wade buys it at first, but when Landon asks where Alaric is, Wade says that a real ghost would already know the answer. “I am the dead one – who are you to be telling me how ghosts work?” Landon asks impatiently.
Wade thinks he’s dreaming, so Landon plays along, taking off the sheet. Wade admits that he’s dreamed a lot about Landon coming back. It makes sense to him that Landon would ask about Alaric – Wade’s subconscious is trying to make sense of all the recent traumas. Landon notes that Alaric’s death must have been difficult. “Okay, you’re worse at being a dream than you are at being a ghost,” Wade replies. Alaric isn’t dead. Landon asks for a full recap of everything he’s missed.
Lizzie’s sympathy for Aurora is growing, and she hopes that the head dive will allow her torture to end. Aurora’s out of it from being set on fire over and over, and she thinks Lizzie is Tristan. She reveals that her plan to kill Hope has to do with the gods.
Landon and Ted go to the hospital to confirm that Alaric is comatose, not dead. Landon promises that Ted will still get the last wish even if they use up the second one. Ted thinks they can make the first one work; they just have to shock Alaric’s heart. He ignores Landon when he says that Alaric’s heart isn’t the problem, so Landon unplugs the defibrillator. He reminds Ted to use his inside voice, since no one can know they’re alive.
Ted spots the Ferryman outside the room. Landon says he locked the door, so there’s nothing to worry about. Yeah, the Ferryman isn’t so much constrained by measly human inventions like doors. He came here from another realm; walking through walls is child’s play for him. He swings his staff, or whatever you call it, at the guys.
They get sent back to limbo just in time to stop Alaric from beating up Zied. He thinks Zied failed to send him back with Landon and Ted. They explain that Alaric is still alive, so he couldn’t be resurrected. Their first wish was a waste. Zied decides it’s time to tell the guys everything.
He spent centuries granting humans’ wishes and watching their selfishness destroy their lives. He was killed by one of the humans whose lives was ruined, and he landed in limbo with a huge debt to the Ferryman. Landon and Ted have no sympathy for him, since he didn’t bother to tell them that the Ferryman could bring them back to limbo.
Zied says he wants peace like everyone else in limbo. He needs subcontractors to help him pay off his debt. He wants the guys’ souls so they’ll help lost souls reach peace. He thinks it’s noble. “It’s a pyramid scheme!” Ted exclaims. “You’re the bloody Jeff Bezos of the afterlife.” (Speaking of Bezos, Ted figures he’ll have to fill a pretty big bowl with coins before he gets to go to peace.) Elvis pops in with some coins, delighting Alaric. “I guess that answers that mystery,” he says. Ted resists becoming one of Zied’s minions, but Zied says that’s only a risk if the guys fail with their second wish.
Aurora explains to Lizzie that if what Ben said is true, she just needs to find the goddes who used to be inside the sarcophagus she stole from a museum. She’s known as Vulcan or Hephaestus, and is mistakenly always spoken of as a man. She’s a blacksmith who made machines for her family. Lizzie easily figures out that it’s Jen. Aurora says that “Tristan” needs to get them out of there immediately.
Hope comes in from the next room and tells Aurora that Lizzie isn’t Tristan. Lizzie apologizes for playing into Aurora’s delusion, but Aurora says it’s not Lizzie’s fault that her mind is broken. She knows that Tristan died when the Hollow killed Elijah and wiped out his sireline. She’s heartbroken that her brother died in agony at the bottom of the ocean. Lizzie notices that Hope is holding something, which Hope says is her plan B. I hope it’s better than Landon’s!
Ted wants to bail on Landon and Alaric before they have to waste a wish. Landon promises that they’ll keep their deal to give him the third. They just need to word the second wish so the two of them are resurrected, Alaric is revived, and the Ferryman can’t bring them back to limbo. Alaric asks why Landon was so shaken when he returned – what’s going on in the real world? Landon says it can all wait. My guess is he just doesn’t know where to start.
Alaric suggests that they approach this the same way they would fight a monster. They need to know how to defeat this. Landon thinks they could learn some things from talking to the other patrons. While he and Ted head off to do that, Alaric stays back to think deep thoughts and drink some more. Zied offers him something stronger than what he already has.
Lizzie protests that they don’t need a plan B – Aurora told her what she’s up to. Hope doesn’t buy that Aurora spilled everything, and she spent a lot of time on her plan B, so she wants to test it out. She turned a thermostat into a Tune blade, and she plunges it into Aurora’s chest and makes it burrow under her skin.
Landon and Ted report to Alaric that a kraken said no one has ever beaten Zied. The kraken has been there for decades, thinking about how to use its final wish. Landon thinks Zied is using their desperation against them. They should take their time. Alaric says that’s not helpful. As Ted asks why, one of his eyes starts turning blue. Landon guesses that Alaric already used their second wish. Alaric confirms this: He wished for Ted to be the Necromancer again.
As his transformation continues, the guys return to their usual hangout, the Salvatore crypt, so Ted can resurrect Landon and Alaric. (Alaric, sweetie, what part of “you’re still alive” is tripping you up here?) Ted threatens to use their third wish right now and leave Alaric and Landon behind to suffer. Landon is understandably offended, since he didn’t do anything. Alaric calls Ted’s bluff, knowing that he’s become a better person. He’s going to go to peace no matter what. He just needs to bring Landon and Alaric back to life, since the Ferryman can’t interfere with that. Ted reluctantly agrees, sending them out of the crypt so he can concentrate.
While they’re taking a break outside the motel room, Lizzie tries to talk Hope out of continuing Aurora’s torture. She acknowledges that Aurora is a horrible person, but Lizzie gets where she’s coming from. Hope sees Aurora as a monster but is torturing her like monsters do. Hope blames her lack of humanity. Lizzie notes that it shut off because Hope lost someone she loved, just like Lizzie and Aurora have.
Hope’s like, “You can’t appeal to my emotions when my emotions are off.” Lizzie points out that hatred is an emotion. She’s learned that “you can only hate what you could love if things were a little different.” Maybe Hope hates how much she relates to Aurora. That’s how Lizzie feels. Hope plans to put an end to that.
In the woods, Alaric asks Landon what he’s been keeping secret about the real world. Landon didn’t want to tell him before because he was afraid of what Alaric would do. He wound up screwing things up anyway. Alaric reminds Landon that he told him what happened to Hope. Landon wishes he hadn’t, because the moves they’ve made since then have been risky and desperate, and they’ve lost trust in each other.
Alaric presses him, but before Landon can tell him anything, Ted comes outside, now fully back to his Necromancer appearance. He’s grateful that Alaric wished him back to his old self, but he won’t be sending him and Landon back to their lives. He’s going to use his wish to get revenge on them instead. Landon notes that sending them home would be torture for them. He’s ready to tell Alaric everything that’s been going on.
Hope hands Lizzie a stake so she can kill Aurora. She hopes Lizzie will be less judgmental when she’s gotten blood on her hands. Lizzie refuses, but that pesky sire bond means she has to do everything Hope says. She begs Hope not to make her do this. They’re friends and Lizzie loves her. Hope tells her to prove it by killing Aurora.
Lizzie resists for as long as she can, then screams and stakes Aurora in the chest. She misses the heart, and while Hope is pulling out the stake, Lizzie snaps her neck. She missed on purpose. By resisting her orders, Lizzie has broken the sire bond. She pulls the makeshift Tunde blade out of Aurora and frees her from her chains.
The Necromancer is thrilled that Lizzie is a Heretic, Josie’s taken off, and Hope has “become a villain like her father.” Landon repeats that sending them home would be painful for them. Then the Necromancer can use his third wish to break his contract with Zied. The Necromancer thinks there must be a catch. Or it’ll be a waste because Alaric will have a heart attack and come right back to limbo.
Alaric is mad that Landon kept secrets. Landon says that if they’d both been sent back, they’d have to figure out how to flip Hope’s switch. Alaric would find out about the twins, panic, and make a bad decision like he always does. Alaric thinks that he can change, since the Necromancer did. The Necromancer disagrees – if they’ve learned anything in limbo, it’s that they are who they’ve always been. He’s going to send Alaric back but not Landon. Alaric will fail everyone again while feeling guilty that Landon’s trapped in limbo.
Landon urges Alaric to prove the Necromancer wrong by working with his students instead of taking things on by himself like he usually does. The Necromancer asks if Alaric has any final words. He tells Landon and the Necromancer to take care of each other. The Necromancer has no intention of doing anything for Landon. He blasts Alaric with magic, which gives his brain a jolt in the real world and wakes it up.
Landon and the Necromancer go back to the bar so Landon can start his service in Zied’s “salvation army.” Instead of going to peace, the Necromancer wishes himself free of his own obligation to Zied. Zied says that’s great…for himself. Landon guesses that Alaric screwed the Necromancer somehow. Zied confirms this: He wished for Ted to become the Necromancer again, but with limited powers that only allow him to return Alaric and Landon to the real world. If the Necromancer wishes for anything other than peace, his wish is void. Landon’s thrilled. Zied gives the Necromancer until midnight to enjoy his freedom.
Lizzie and Aurora return to the diner where they started the episode. Lizzie apologizes for calling Aurora crazy and being dismissive. She judged Aurora’s symptoms and not their cause, just as people have always done to Lizzie. She used to think her brain was a weakness, but maybe the things she’s struggled with allowed her to break the sire bond.
Aurora acknowledges that she acts out a lot, but Lizzie understands it, since she lost someone she loves. Lizzie’s learned, thanks to Hope, that lashing out doesn’t bring back someone you’ve lost. She wants Aurora to heal instead of get revenge. Aurora doesn’t think she can heal when her brother is dead. Lizzie isn’t sure about that. She’s looked into the gods’ powers, one of which is the ability to “wield and shape time.” They could go back in time to when Tristan was alive and Alaric was healthy and Hope had her humanity and Josie hadn’t left. Aurora’s open to the idea but doesn’t know where to start. Lizzie has a piece of the sarcophagus, so they can start by using it to find Jen.
The Necromancer reminds Landon that he’s doomed to spend eternity in limbo. Landon admits that he’s happy about that. He can continue helping people go to peace. The Necromancer isn’t interested in that, and he vows to make Landon’s time there miserable. Landon plans to keep his promise to get the Necromancer to peace. He hopes Alaric keeps his promise, too.
Alaric wakes up in the hospital in pretty good shape for someone who just spent weeks in a coma. Well, except for the fact that he falls trying to get out of bed. Wade is there, having tagged along with Kaleb (who’s outside parking his car, AKA not in this episode), whom the hospital called as Alaric’s emergency contact. Wade warns that the Corvette is gone, trying to ease Alaric into all the changes that have taken place. Alaric says he knows, since Landon told him. He’ll explain that when Kaleb gets there, because he needs everyone’s help to figure out where to go from here.
A guy stops his car in the middle of the road after seeing Hope standing there. He thinks she’s on drugs, but she says those numb people, and she’s having the opposite problem – she’s starting to feel things again. She feels gratitude and betrayal, and she’s worried that Lizzie’s right about her. “What’s the definition of humanity?” Hope asks. The guy doesn’t know, but he displays some of it by offering to get her some help if she needs it. Hope tells him to keep it up.
He starts to go back to his car but she asks him to stop. She wonders what to call a person who could kill someone without ever meeting them before. She changes her mind and says the guy has been helpful. Then she feeds on him. She wipes blood from her lips and continues walking in the middle of the road, passing a sign welcoming her to Mystic Falls.
Etc.: I’m dying to know the direction Matt Davis (Alaric) and Ben Guerens (Ted) were given when they were dancing in the bar. Here’s the scene; thank me later.
Wade starts his recap of what Landon’s missed with, “Well, Hope’s become a bit of a problem.” Wade Rivers, master of the understatement.
The thermo-blade going into Aurora’s chest is so gruesome. Thanks a lot, show.
So you can just…break the sire bond? Just like that? Not much of a bond, huh?
Can we talk about how Kaleb, who Alaric barely trusted in season 1, is now Alaric’s emergency contact?
An Eternity of Misery 