Asleep in the hidden compartment in Alaric’s office, Hope is now in Josie’s subconscious. She’s wearing a red hood and sees a trail of breadcrumbs, which clues her in that she’s in a fairy-tale world. She follows the breadcrumbs into the woods, where she comes across a pig-man she thinks is scared of her. He’s actually trying to avoid her because she’s conjured up a ball of light that could get them spotted.
The Necromancer tells Chad to get their robes so they can have a ceremony. Landon’s been take out of the equation, so now they can raise Malivore. Chad’s busy helping Josie redecorate the Salvatore crypt. She wants black curtains, chandeliers, and no robes. Also, she doesn’t want to raise Malivore yet. She knows that if she’d won the merge, she would have absorbed Lizzie, but she can’t feel her sister. Something’s wrong. Alyssa guesses it’s because of Hope, since…well, it’s always Hope.
The Necromancer tries to take back control of his minions, but Josie’s much more powerful than he is, and she’s the new puppeteer. Even the Necromancer will have to follow her orders. She tells him to get the zombie eye to find out what really happened to Lizzie.
Lizzie’s currently lying in a coffin, though she’s also standing next to the coffin. She comments that she looks peaceful, even angelic. “No wonder you had a thing for me,” she tells M.G. He says that’s not why he liked her. Also, she should stop speaking in the past tense. Lizzie’s overseeing the decorations and activities the school is throwing together for her memorial. M.G. reminds her that it’s all for show. She knows, but it needs to be convincing if they want “homicidal Hot Topic Josie” to buy it.
Lizzie has an illusion ring she can use to make herself look like Hope, so she can walk around the school without anyone catching on that she’s alive. She tests out her Hope imitation: “I’m unique and special, and for some reason, I’m really emo about it. Wait here while I go sacrifice myself unnecessarily.” She keeps it up when Alaric, Kaleb, and Jed show up, which means we get to hear someone who looks like Hope calling Alaric “Daddy.” She figured this made sense since the body in the coffin is actually Hope’s, just disguised to look like Lizzie. Lizzie can’t believe how short Hope is.
Alaric obviously doesn’t want Lizzie out in the open right now, but Lizzie insists that he needs her to oversee the memorial. The emotion needs to be real, and no one can put together a touching memorial like she can. Alaric doesn’t think she can pull off the illusion. Jed agrees – the pack won’t fall for it. But Lizzie-as-Hope (Lizzope) fools a few of them, inadvertently making them like her more. Aww, Hope just made new friends without even trying! Alaric gives in, but he vetoes doves at the funeral. With Lizzie taking over planning, Alaric now has time to deal with a new problem: Rafael needs his help.
In Josie’s mind, Hope follows the pig through the woods, but he wants her gone. He doesn’t want to be around someone who uses magic. She doesn’t belong there. Hope tells him she’s not leaving with Josie. The pig asks what she wants with Josie. Hope came to rescue her, but the pig says it’s too late.
He sits her down and tells her a story (which, of course, starts with “once upon a time”) about the land they’re in. It’s animated, because why not? The land was ruled by Princess Josette, and it was peaceful. When the darkness came, the princess tried to fight it with magic, but that just made the darkness stronger. It was somehow tied to her. When she fought it, the darkness grew to cover the land. Josie put a sleeping spell on herself so she could never use magic again and the darkness couldn’t grow. If they wake her up, the darkness will take over again. They miss her, but this is how it has to be. “Destiny’s a b&^$%, huh, doll?” he asks Hope. She says she still has to try. Josie would do that for her.
Hope goes back to the trail of the breadcrumbs, but they’re gone. The pig admits that he ate them. She’s sure that he knows where the trail leads and where Josie is. If he doesn’t tell her, Hope will start using magic. He reminds her that the darkness will come. “Facing darkness is kinda my thing,” she title-drops. The pig gives in but complains that she’s bossy. Hope considers that a compliment.
Rafael takes Alaric to the tunnels, where he’s left Landon’s body. He admits that the Necromancer made him kill Landon. Alaric assures him that Landon will resurrect, but somehow Rafael knows that the golden arrow has killed Landon for real.
Hope finds Josie asleep in some ruins that look like they used to be the Salvatore crypt. The pig suggests that Hope kiss her to wake her up. Hope tells him that a nonconsensual kiss is never the right move. She uses magic instead, sure that nothing in Josie’s subconscious can actually hurt them. Well, how about a big, bad wolf? ‘Cause that’s what the darkness is. He can smell magic, and he wants to know who the pig’s new friend is. Hope does a spell on a rock to make it fly across the woods. The wolf chases it, thinking Hope’s over there.
The pig blasts Hope for almost getting them eaten – that’s his lifelong fear. He’s not happy that she used magic, but she argues that it just saved them. She snaps at him to stop talking down to her and be grateful that she just saved their bacon. Oops, that’s apparently a microaggression in this land. Hope suggests that they work together to wake Josie up. The pig doesn’t want to risk the darkness growing; Josie made the sacrifice she did for a reason. Hope says she did it because she didn’t know that help was coming. If they can’t wake her up, they’ll have to defeat the darkness themselves.
As Lizzope takes over the decorating (which features giant portraits of Lizzie), Katie asks what Landon’s up to. “Probably off somewhere being a total beta,” Lizzope replies. “Which I’m super into.” Katie and Hannah want to find dates for the funeral. They’re not treating it seriously. No one actually liked Lizzie; they just pretended to because they were afraid of crossing her. Katie’s a little relieved not to have to worry about what crazy thing she’ll do next. Plus, since the Necromancer brought Alyssa back, he could bring back Lizzie, too. Not that anyone wants that.
Jed and Kaleb are recording people’s happy memories of Lizzie but having trouble finding people who have them. Wade’s recollections of her most memorable moments are the time she inexplicably did a barrier spell to keep a gargoyle in the school and the time she walked by him and said, “Hard pass” with no explanation. Kaleb and Jed realize that it’s useless to try to get people to say nice things about Lizzie. Jed still thinks Alyssa could have been redeemed, though; people never got to know the real her. Kaleb decides to end that conversation before it can go any further.
The Necromancer reports to Josie that there haven’t been any indications that Lizzie is still alive. She can tell there’s something new in her mind that shouldn’t be there; she just can’t reach it. She thinks everyone at the school is acting because they know they’re being watched through the zombie eye. She calls the Necromancer “Ted,” which makes him almost throw a tantrum. Josie guesses that Alaric is behind the masquerade, and she tells the Necromancer to chat with him while she searches her mind for the thing in there that’s out of place.
Lizzie goes to the kitchen without putting on the illusion ring, and M.G. starts to fake surprise that she’s alive before she tells him that no one’s watching. She’s upset that no one is mourning her. A couple of students come in and she puts the ring on. M.G. says that her classmates only got to see one side of her. That’s what his eulogy is about. Lizzope is thrilled at the possibility that the eulogy will convince everyone of how awesome she is. But she wants to be the one to deliver it.
Landon is still dead, so Rafael is understandably anxious. Alaric reminds him that the Sphinx’s prophecy said a new hero could be “felled” by the golden arrow, which doesn’t necessarily mean killed. They need to find the original Coptic word and translate it. Rafael points out that the prophecy also mentioned a “wolf with many faces.” Rafael killed Landon, and the Necromancer can make him kill again. Alaric promises to sever that connection, but Rafael insists that Alaric kill him instead. If he doesn’t do it now, it might be too late.
Alaric suggests that they use a sleeping spell instead to buy some time. He refuses to lose another student. Rafael asks why he brought a sword with him. Alaric says he’s trying to keep everyone safe. Rafael replies that he is, too. He throws Alaric against a wall and grabs the sword, dropping it next to Alaric’s hand. He begs Alaric to pick it up, and when Alaric refuses, Rafael starts hitting him. He threatens to kill Alaric if Alaric doesn’t kill him first. Alaric stays calm, telling Rafael that killing Landon wasn’t his fault, and they’ll figure out a way to save them both. In Rafael’s head, the Necromancer laughs, then takes control of him. “Well, he did try to warn you, Alaric,” Rafael says, then punches Alaric out.
That means he’s not there for his daughter’s fake funeral, which M.G. starts without him. Jed and Kaleb’s video plays, but they had to edit it heavily to make it sound nice. Kaleb tries to point out that it’s good that they have memories of Lizzie, because it means she didn’t go into Malivore. After M.G. prematurely pulls the plug on the video, Kaleb and Jed sing “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” by Boyz II Men. They’re still romantic rivals, though, and it turns into a sing-off.
Lizzope takes the microphone from them to deliver her own eulogy. She claims Lizzie was “the absolute best of us.” Everyone cracks up. They laugh harder every time she says something nice about herself. She eventually leaves, annoyed that no one’s sad about her “death.”
Hope and the pig go to see a huntsman, but he’s not home. At least they get to stock up on weapons. The pig is hesitant to join Hope in battle, since he always gets flustered in those situations. He suggests that he finish the stew the huntsman was making so Hope can have a last supper before she goes off to her death. “That’ll do, pig,” Hope replies. But the stew is actually made from the huntsman. Ew, Josie’s subconscious really is dark. The pig realizes they’ve walked into a trap just as the darkness arrives. Hope locks him out with magic, and the wolf growls, “Little witch, little witch, let me in.” Josie discovers that Hope is in her head, then suddenly blacks out.
Alaric wakes up at the Mystic Tap, surrounded by the Necromancer, Chad, Rafael, and Alyssa. The Necromancer has an offer that will save Josie. He and Alaric want the same thing: to get rid of the black magic inside her and send her home. Alaric thinks he can do that alone, but the Necromancer is fully aware of what Hope is up to and says it won’t work. Normally the Necromancer wouldn’t care, but he wants Josie’s black magic, and to get her out of his life. He tells Alaric that Normal Josie is still in there somewhere. He’s seen it.
Alaric considers making a deal with the Necromancer, then asks for Rafael, Alyssa, and Chad to be freed as part of it. The Necromancer agrees, then agrees again when Rafael asks him to resurrect Landon. Rafael presses Alaric to accept the offer, which will save both him and Landon, as Alaric said he wanted. Alaric knows he can’t trust the Necromancer, though. The Necromancer agrees to do an unbreakable covenant spell. If they don’t both hold up their ends of the bargain, neither of them gets what they want. He leaves Alaric to think it over.
The darkness breaks down the door to the huntsman’s cabin and throws Hope across the room, then goes for the pig. Hope attacks and kills the darkness with an axe, which she uses to cut him open to let out the undigested pig. Instead, Josie pops out. She explains that the pig was actually her. She thought she could disguise herself and avoid the darkness. Hope chastises her for being sexist and patronizing. Hey, she had to sell it!
Josie tells Hope to leave so she doesn’t get hurt. Hope refuses to leave without her. Josie doesn’t want anyone else to be in danger because of her. Hope promises that no one will. Just then, the darkness dissolves into black smoke and turns into Dark Josie. The girls run from her, but she doesn’t look too worried that they’ll get away.
Lizzie is about to crash the funeral and reveal herself when M.G. takes the stage. He tells the attendees that on his first day at the school, Lizzie was his tour guide. He was really scared, and Lizzie knew it. He mentioned that he hated his name, so she suggested that he change it. No one had to know that he was Milton; he could just be M.G.
He goes into other memories of Lizzie, like her shock bracelet and her love of talent shows, Miss Mystic Falls, and football. She was always trying to start over. Alaric enters as M.G. says that even though Lizzie “could be extra,” she acknowledged it. She never stopped trying to change, but her classmates didn’t want to let her. They just held on to an image of her at her worst.
She was an easy target because of her mental health issues. It was easier for them to see her as broken than to accept her attempts to change and give her encouragement. M.G. is sure that everyone has a good Lizzie story, if they’ll stop and think about it. Here’s their chance to start over. Katie goes first, remembering how Lizzie started a sewing club so Katie would have people to share her hobby with.
Hope and Josie run from Dark Josie, though Josie doesn’t think they’ll ever be able to get away from her. Hope tells her that Dark Josie has been wreaking havoc in the real world and even tried to merge with Lizzie. They have to stop her. Josie says Dark Josie is more powerful than she is. Hope reminds her that they’re the same person. Josie can control her dark side.
Josie says that Caroline used to read her and Lizzie fairy tales at bedtime. Everything made sense – there were good guys and bad guys, and rules that people had to follow. Things were a lot clearer than real life. Hope replies that this fairy tale sucks. Josie says it’s accurate. She’s either a powerful witch or a weak victim. “That’s the story that you’re telling yourself,” Hope replies. “I mean, your subconscious made a fairy tale that the good you is weak and the powerful you is evil. Tell yourself a different story.”
She’s suddenly yanked back by an unseen force. Josie follows next, thanks to Dark Josie. She’s bored and ready to fight. Hope chucks an axe at her but Dark Josie just catches it. Next Hope tries some magic but Dark Josie just absorbs it. Hope turns to Josie, urging her to fight herself. Dark Josie blasts Hope with magic, pinning her up against a ruin. Hope tells Josie to change the story just before she turns to stone. Instead, Josie runs.
Dark Josie follows her back to the huntsman’s cabin, where Josie grabs a knife but looks too terrified to use it. Dark Josie says she hates her for being so vulnerable and weak. She’s so quiet that her parents forget about her while they’re dealing with Lizzie. She’s the kind of girl Penelope won’t fight for and Landon doesn’t want to be with. She’s the kind of girl who’s destined to lose the merge.
Dark Josie makes the knife fly out of Josie’s hand, leaving her defenseless. She says Josie needs her – without her dark half, she would never have survived. “This is what being strong looks like,” she declares. Josie remembers what Hope said about the story she’s telling herself. She realizes that she’s been afraid of being strong because she thought that would mean hurting Lizzie or being like Kai.
She thought having power meant being evil. But Hope is both strong and good. “You made a story – I made a story – where I was powerless. But that’s not true. Because I can change this story,” she says. Dark Josie’s tired of talking, but Josie tells her she’s not afraid of her anymore. And now she’s the one holding the axe.
Dark Josie binds Josie to the cabin, trapping her there forever. Josie says it doesn’t matter, since they’re not in the cabin anymore. They’re suddenly back in the ruins, which aren’t as ruinous. Josie says that if Dark Josie uses her magic, it’ll hurt her, too. Plus, Dark Josie’s armor is gone, which means Josie can take her out. Dark Josie warns that this will never be over – as long as Josie has black magic, Dark Josie will find her way back. “We’ll see,” Josie replies, giving her a goodbye kiss on the forehead.
In the Salvatore crypt, Lizzie does a spell to remove the black magic from Josie and transfer it to the Necromancer. Back at the school, Alyssa announces her presence to Kaleb and Jed. She confirms that she’s alive again, not a zombie, but doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She also doesn’t seem interested in either guy anymore. Kaleb pretends it doesn’t bother him, then complains to Jed that she didn’t have to be rude and blow them off. Jed agrees: “We’re people, too. I mean, I have feelings.”
Josie thanks Alaric for not giving up on her, even though she thinks she would have deserved it. He tells her that one of the good parts of being a parent is seeing her realize how much she deserves. One day, she’ll realize that she deserves to never be given up on. She asks him to repeat that when the Necromancer comes calling again. Alaric assures her that they’ll deal with him when the time comes. He’s still not willing to lose any more students.
Josie does a spell with a coin, the same spell Alaric remembers Jo doing once. She put her siphoning power into the coin until she’s ready to use magic again. She puts it in her piggy bank, which looks a lot like the pig from her subconscious.
Lizzie has repaid M.G. for giving her eulogy by writing him his own. She reads it to him on the dock, talking about how a eulogy is just a story about someone. Since M.G. is immortal, he might never get a real eulogy, but she wants him to hear his anyway. “He was the son of a preacher and a shady government operative,” she reads. “He kept what was good from each and let go of the bad. He had his own demons, but even when they chased him into the dark, he never stayed there. Instead, he danced like a sparkler and smiled like the sun. He wrote a new story every day, and reminded me to always find the light.”
Lizzie isn’t sure where the story goes next. M.G. says it hasn’t been written yet. She thanks him for putting up with her all day. He made her feel less alone. She figures it’s time to go explain to everyone how she’s alive. But some witches find her first, and they surprise her by being happy to see her.
Despite the deal with the Necromancer, Landon is still dead. Alaric tells Rafael that that’s not their only problem. In the hidden compartment in Alaric’s office, Hope is still asleep.
Etc.: The book of fairy tales M.G. gave Josie in “Life Was So Much Easier When I Only Cared About Myself” turned out to be foreshadowing for this episode. Nice touch.
I like how Danielle Rose Russell (Hope) plays Lizzie without going overboard. She just throws in some subtle body language and ways of speaking that differentiate her from Hope.
Caroline would be so proud of Lizzie for taking the initiative to plan her own funeral.
For the record, Danielle Rose Russell is 5’3″ and Jenny Boyd (Lizzie) is 5’9″, so yeah, that’s quite a height difference.
Heh, the pig is sexist. He’s a male chauvinist pig.
Lizzie’s middle name is Jenna, which is sweet, but also, her father named her after one of his exes, which is…kind of weird, when you think about it. Like, is Josie’s middle name Meredith? (There’s no way it’s Isobel.)
An Eternity of Misery 