With Klaus, Hayley, and Hope on their way out of the Quarter, Elijah suddenly has a lot of free time. Right now he’s using it to play the keyboard with some jazz musicians at St. James Infirmary. A couple of guys watch him from the bar, and Elijah uses his vamp hearing to eavesdrop as a third talks to someone on the phone about taking Elijah out. A waitress accidentally spills a tray on the two guys who are watching Elijah, and while they’re distracted, Elijah slips out.
He follows the phone guy to an alley, then turns back to confront the two guys following him. Marcel appears and reminds him that he wanted to keep some Strix members around for security. (He does admire Elijah’s attempt to lose them by compelling the waitress to spill drinks on them.) Elijah should let the Strix do their job while there are so many Mikaelson enemies in town. But Elijah wanted “me time” without anyone spying on him. Marcel advises him to cooperate so the Strix can spend less time watching him and more time finding out what happened to the last white oak bullet.
What happened is that Vincent has just retrieved it from the train car. As he’s turning to leave, he encounters a woman named Sofya. He’s more than ready to take her on, suspecting that she’s an enemy. Some vampires zoom in to serve as her backup, and she advises Vincent to know when he’s outmatched. But thanks to all the power Vincent has as regent, the vampires are actually the ones who are outmatched. He puts them all down with magic migraines, then starts to handle Sofya. Something’s on the fritz, though, and he can’t hurt her. She bites him, then tells him she’s a hired gun and he’s in her way. She knocks him out and takes the bullet from him.
Klaus, Hayley, and Hope stop at a gas station/convenience store, where Hayley buys Klaus something to help him blend in: a trucker hat that says “mother trucker.” He asks why they’re in the sticks instead of flying somewhere exotic. Apparently she has a plan and he’s agreed to go along with it. He wonders how much he’ll hate it, on a scale of 1 to 10. “I’d say a solid 85,” Hayley replies.
Marcel yells at Elijah’s bodyguards over the phone, which amuses Josh, since he used to be the one who got yelled at. Things have changed so much that Josh feels comfortable letting himself into the loft and helping himself to Marcel’s alcohol. Marcel asks how he’s wronged Josh this time. Josh complains that the Strix are still in New Orleans, and since Marcel is giving them all his attention, his crew has nothing to do. Josh wants to join the Strix. Marcel says no way, and besides, they’re only in town to protect Elijah.
Josh asks if that means they know about the auction for the last bullet. Nope, the Strix aren’t as familiar with the dark web as Josh, who minored in computer science. Long story short, the last bullet is up for auction today. Vincent arrives and admits that Sofya took the bullet from him. He suspected that she was part of the Strix, but it’s clear that Marcel doesn’t know anything about her.
Lucien stops by the Compound, where the Mikaelsons’ new security guards keep him from entering until Freya gives them the okay. He’s brought her a bouquet of flowers and claims he wants to get to know her better. She tells him it’s not a good time. Upstairs, Kol tells Elijah that he saw Finn the night before. He must have come back when Davina resurrected Kol. The spell she used was tied to Mikaelson blood, so it either dragged Finn along with Kol or he found a way to hitch a ride. Either way, Kol wants him gone.
He thinks Finn has been spreading rumors about white oak and drawing Klaus’ enemies to New Orleans. So…Finn posted about the bullet on the message board Cortez mentioned? Doubtful. Freya joins her brothers and says the rumors started before Finn and Kol came back. For once, Finn is innocent.
Kol tells her that Finn has tried to kill his siblings on multiple occasions. He’s an enemy in their family. Freya reminds him that Finn is their family. This is the chance for them all to kiss and make up. Kol is understandably upset about that idea, since Finn murdered him. But Elijah is willing to hear Freya out if she’s really sure that Finn isn’t back to cause more trouble. Finn himself arrives just then, ready to hash out all the siblings’ old disagreements.
Klaus, Hayley, and Hope make another stop, this time at a bar. The bartender either knows who Klaus is or guesses that he’s a vampire because he says they’re closed, even though they’re clearly not. Hayley used to be a regular there, and she asks if a bartender named Hollis still serves moonshine. Hollis arrives just then and gives her a warm welcome. Hayley’s still wearing her wedding ring, so Hollis thinks she and Klaus (whom he pegs as a “city boy”) are married. Hayley just introduces Klaus as her daughter’s father.
They need a place to lie low for a while, but Hollis says it’s a rough time for their pack. Some wolves are even leaving. However, Hayley’s welcome any time, and Hollis just wishes there were more people there to greet her. He offers them moonshine, saying anything Hope wants is on the house. Heh.
Marcel calls Elijah to tell him about the auction, which has attracted a large number of participants. The Strix are freaking out, and it looks like security at the Compound is increasing. Elijah tells Marcel to assure the Strix that the Compound is secure. They’ll start a lockdown so no one can come in or leave. That should give Marcel time to win the auction (or kill whoever wins it).
That problem hopefully solved, Elijah moves on to the next one – Kol wants to fight Finn. Freya tries to keep them separated, but she’s no match for Kol’s vampire strength. Lucien breaks things up before things turn violent, though he’d be fine with the brothers fighting, since they can’t kill each other without white oak. Elijah tells his siblings to behave, since they’re on lockdown (or, as he calls it, “staycation”). While Marcel takes care of the last white oak, they might as well do some bonding.
Klaus may not be as highbrow as Elijah but he does have standards, and the glass (well, mason jar) Hollis gave him doesn’t meet his. Though he still thinks it’s cleaner than anything else in the bar. Hayley tells him he’s met his “complaint quota” for the day. He reminds her that she asked to tag along on this road trip; he didn’t force her to come. He asks if she couldn’t handle another day “giving Elijah the mournful doe eyes.” Hayley says that’s not his business, but Klaus thinks it is, since she’s his daughter’s mother and Elijah is his brother and they live in his city. Hollis advises them to have a quieter “lover’s spat” if they want to fly under the radar.
He’s just gotten a phone call about an attempted robbery at a gas station. He tells Hayley that a girl named Kayla was there, and things went bad for the robber: “Her first.” Hayley explains to Klaus that she used to babysit for Kayla, who’s now a teenager. The “first” refers to her first kill, which means Kayla’s triggered her werewolf curse. Hayley wants to go see her and offer support while Kayla deals with this huge change in her life. Klaus reminds her that they’re supposed to be keeping a low profile. He decides it’s time to get back on the road and keep their focus on their own child. From now on, he’s calling the shots.
I guess a scene got cut where Elijah tracked down the phone guy from St. James Infirmary because his body is suddenly at Marcel’s loft. Josh guesses that he’s in the Quarter for the auction, so he tells Vincent to check his email for login information. The login leads Josh, Vincent, and Marcel to a video of Sofya welcoming them to an elite auction for bidders chosen for both their connections to resources and their hatred of the Mikaelsons. Her employer will choose the most enticing bid and reward the bidder with the bullet. The opening bid is $5 million.
The guys are next sent to the auction page, where anonymous bidders are offering up things like a dozen casinos in Monaco and a fleet of oil tankers. Marcel tells Josh to type in, “Aliquid sub sole.” It’s a Strix rite that means the whole group will commit to filling one command. The bid is accepted, and moments later Sofya calls to give the guys an address to report to that afternoon.
At the Compound, the Mikaelsons separate to cool down. Freya’s like, “Well, that could have gone better…but it also could have gone worse.” Finn tells her he’d rather die than be a Mikaelson. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we also would rather you die than…well, pretty much anything. Elijah dismisses Freya so he and Finn can chat. “So tell me: How was Hell?” he begins. Heh. He wants to know why Finn is there.
Finn claims he’s changed, sort of. He spent his time in Freya’s pendant reflecting on who the Originals have become. He still hates that they’re vampires, but he’s done trying to atone for things he did in the past. Elijah’s amused because Finn doesn’t seem to get that they’re the same. Finn says that, unlike Elijah, he still has a small chance at happiness. If Elijah will let Freya put Finn in a witch’s body, Finn will leave forever. Kol eavesdrops but leaves before Elijah gives Finn a response.
Josh goes alone to the address Sofya provided, trying to make himself look confident. He introduces himself as Aldus Charlemagne. Sofya’s minions beat him up (and Sofya gets in a kick herself) before she reveals that she knows both his real name and his connection to Marcel. She tells Josh to pass a message along to Marcel: He can’t stop the inevitable. She answers to someone who wants the Mikaelsons to pay for their sins, which is exactly what’s going to happen. Then she lets her minions smack Josh around some more.
Hayley has never listened to Klaus before and she’s not about to start now, so she tells him she’s going to see Kayla. He keeps insulting the people in the town, and she’s not happy about it since they’re putting aside their own problems to help him. This is the reason they’re in this mess in the first place – Klaus is a jerk to everyone.
He argues that he always does what’s necessary to protect his family. “You’re incapable of even pretending to be a good person,” Hayley says. No matter how much he tries to justify his actions with strategy or taking sides, he has enemies because he made them. Is that what he wants for Hope? Hayley won’t let Klaus raise their daughter to be like him.
Klaus says that Hayley needs his protection if she’s going to keep trusting in the kindness of people outside their family. Oh, we’re not trusting people we’re not related to? Even blonde female vampires whose names start with the letter C? Hayley announces that she’s going to go see Kayla, and Klaus is going to stay with Hope and shut up. Well, he’ll probably only do one of those things. She notes that there’s a good chance that one day Hope will have to go through what Kayla’s dealing with right now. Hayley hopes someone will do for Hope what Hayley’s going to do for Kayla. “Being kind doesn’t make you weak,” she tells Klaus before she goes.
Kol complains to Davina that Elijah’s going to let Finn take over a witch’s body and start a new life. Wait, when did Davina get to the Compound? What happened to no one being allowed in or out? Has she been there the whole time? What was she doing for the first half of the episode? Anyway, she tells Kol he can’t do anything about whatever happens next, so he might as well take his mind off of things. Gee, I wonder what she thinks they should do as a distraction?
Even presented with the chance to get naked with the girl he loves, Kol can’t stop thinking about how much he wants Finn to suffer. Davina promises that he’ll get what’s coming to him. This time she’s able to get Kol to focus on her, but as they’re making out, he realizes he’s vamped out. He zooms off before he can bite her.
Josh endures his beating until Marcel and Vincent arrive to save him. It turns out that getting beaten up was part of the guys’ plan, since they needed to get some of Josh’s blood on Sofya. Now they can use Josh’s blood in a locator spell to find her. As soon as they know where she is, Marcel corners her at a traffic stop for a road closure and introduces himself. She takes off running but quickly gets surrounded by Marcel’s crew. Vincent tosses her “know when you’re outmatched” advice back in her face.
Sofya isn’t paid well enough to die for her boss, so she doesn’t put up a fight. Marcel asks for her boss’ name, but telling him will just lead to her death. She warns that since Marcel has gotten in her boss’ way, he’ll end up dead, too.
Davina snags Esther’s grimoire from a shelf at the Compound (’cause that’s something that should just be left lying around) and looks up a spell to make Finn suffer. Meanwhile, Elijah tells Kol to call off whatever he’s planning for their brother. But no way is Kol not going to get revenge on Finn for cursing him and making him die in front of Davina. Elijah thinks the better idea is to get Finn out of their lives. He hasn’t made up his mind about whether Finn gets a witch’s body, though. Kol says it’s not Elijah’s decision to make.
Elijah tries to calm him down, since he’s angry enough to break a glass with his bare hand, but Elijah isn’t sure Kol can control himself. Kol admits that his rage and hunger are stronger than they were before he died, and they’re just getting worse. He never learned how to control them and never wanted to. He’s worried about hurting Davina, since the Mikaelsons have a history of hurting the people they love.
Hayley goes to see Kayla, who’s upset over what’s happening to her and very relieved to have someone familiar there. Hayley tells her that she’s tougher than she knows, and she’s not alone. Back at the Compound, Finn runs into Davina and tells her she’s on the wrong side. Kol once took an interest in a woman named Dulcina and got her to break all the vows she was about to take as a nun. Within a few days, he’d killed her because he’d gotten bored with her. Davina doesn’t believe Finn, and she doesn’t think it matters anyway. Kol’s changed, while Finn is still the monster he’s always been.
She does the spell she got from Esther’s grimoire, which locks him into his body so he can never jump into a witch’s body. He’s stuck as a vampire for the rest of his life. Finn grabs her but Kol zooms in and attacks him before he can hurt her. The brothers fight viciously until Elijah and Freya intervene. Kol reluctantly backs down, then announces that he’s leaving since he’d rather risk an encounter with white oak than stay with his siblings.
Freya’s worried about Kol’s safety, but Elijah tells her that Marcel dropped by to deliver the only thing that can hurt the siblings: the bullet. He asks Freya to light a fire so he can toss it in. Finn grabs it out of the flames, wanting to use it to kill himself so he doesn’t have to remain a vampire. “I can’t bear an eternity with no hope of escape,” he tells Elijah. “Can you?”
Hayley takes Kayla to some woods to show her a spot where their pack used to gather when someone triggered their curse. They would help the triggerer accept what they’d done and honor the person they’d killed. There are items scattered around, and Hayley gives Kayla her victim’s wallet so she can leave it in his honor. (Hayley got it as a favor from someone at the local sheriff’s department who used to help her out when she got herself in trouble.) She tells Kayla that her first time turning will be hard, but she can get through it. She’ll never forget what happened, but she can’t let the past define who she is. As Klaus joins them, Kayla takes an ID badge out of the wallet and places it on a tree.
Elijah tries to get Finn to give him the bullet. When he doesn’t, Lucien zooms over and grabs it. After a moment where it’s not clear what Lucien will do with it, he tosses it to Elijah. But Elijah hesitates to destroy it, even knowing how dangerous it is and how holding on to it will keep the Mikaelsons’ enemies coming. Lucien tells Elijah to give it to the person who loves the Originals the most. Freya agrees to cloak herself and take the bullet somewhere far away to hide it where no one will find it. Then it’ll be available in case any of the Originals wants “release.” After some thought, Elijah gives Freya the bullet.
Vincent and Josh take Sofya to Marcel’s loft. Josh is kind of disappointed that she didn’t tell them who she’s working for just because they asked nicely. She say they’re idiots – she let them take the bullet because her boss wanted them to have it.
Wind blows through the room, sending Vincent stumbling backwards. The candles in the room go out and the ancestors do something to inflict pain on him. He gets another vision of the location of the bullet in the train car, then a glimpse of Alexis’ prophecy. “I understand,” he says. He magically breaks Josh’s neck, then removes the ropes around Sofya’s wrists. He tells her the ancestors don’t want him to kill her. They want him to help her and her boss. “May God have mercy on us all,” he whispers.
Klaus lets Hayley know he’s there, and that he left Hope with Hollis. Since Hayley trusts him, Klaus decided to do the same. He thinks it’s a start. He apologizes since he’s given Hayley multiple reasons to leave him, but she hasn’t (yet). Maybe he needs to start making decisions with her. They’ll be partners for Hope’s sake. Just then, Klaus notices the badge Kayla stuck on the tree. The man she killed worked for Kingmaker, Lucien’s company. Klaus doesn’t think the killing of wolves in the bayou is random – they’re being hunted.
Marcel debriefs with Elijah, who guesses that Marcel thinks he should have burned the bullet. Marcel says it’s not his call. However, now the Mikaelsons are facing sibling rivalry that’s nastier than ever. Elijah says he can handle his brothers, so Marcel thinks everything else should be a piece of cake. He’s sure they’ll get Sofya to give up her boss’ name soon. But Elijah is suspicious that this has all been too easy. “Maybe I’m just that good,” Marcel says.
As he leaves, Klaus calls Elijah, who tells him he can come home. Klaus reports that Kingmaker is still targeting werewolves for some reason. Marcel gets home and finds Josh temporarily dead and Vincent and Sofya gone. Elijah worries that while they’ve been focused on outside enemies, the real threat has been right in front of them.
Freya’s on her way out of town when Vincent finds her. He magically renders her unconscious, then lets a couple of guys load her into a van. Vincent, no! She ends up at Lucien’s Castle with Lucien himself. He plans to use her, the bullet, and some werewolf venom to have some fun.
Etc.: No one likes Finn. No one cares about Finn. No one wanted Finn to come back. So why did they bring him back?
I don’t know what it is but something about the first scene with the jazz group makes Daniel Gillies (Elijah) look even hotter than usual.
The bar Klaus and Hayley stop at is in Willoughby Lake, so someone involved with these series likes that name.
Also offered up at the auction: an island near Lisbon, Swiss gold bars, and Great Pyramid of Khufu. How do you bid a pyramid?? And how do you deliver that if you win? Is there a title to transfer or something?
You just know Josh came up with the alias Aldus Charlemagne on his own. And when he told Marcel and Vincent, they were like, “…All right, well, you do you, man.”
An Eternity of Misery 